Fortitude
by Jude2538
Summary: Picks up after Tris was shot in the 3rd book. She doesn't die but finds herself in a hospital unable to remember much of the last month. Despite many obstacles, Tris and Tobias work towards building a life together, post war.
1. Chapter 1

I woke to the sound of a constant beeping sound. I struggle to open my eyes, still stuck somewhere in between my dreams and consciousness. My hand slides over the bed searching for Tobias. Surely the noise –an alarm?-has caused him to stir, too. My hand travels across the mattress searching for him and bumps into something cold, hard, and metal. I jump, startled, and my eyes fly open. Immediately, I am blinded by bright lights and move my hand to cover my eyes. The movement causes pain to shoot through my body. Panic envelopes me. I know I'm not in Tobias' apartment. The pain flying through my body sharpens my awareness and slowly I start to gather information about my surroundings. The bed under me is hard and uncomfortable. The room feels chilly and slightly damp. Am I in a prison? Locked in an underground cell? How'd did I get here? What happened? Was Tobias okay?

My heartbeat speeds up as I realize that I can't remember anything from the last few days. I have no recollection of anything. I try to sit up but pain slices through my stomach and reaches up my spine into my head making it spin. I desperately try to open my eyes but struggle against the blinding pain. I slide my hands over my stomach trying to find the source of my pain. I feel the rough edges of bandages and follow the edges with my fingertips. The bandages extend over my entire stomach and back, wrapping around like a brace. I start to panic, unable to remember the source of the injury. I tell myself to think rationally. "Think, Tris. Focus." I tell myself. Where ever I am, someone has taken care of me. Dressed my wounds and kept me alive. Whoever it was must want me alive…at least for the time being. The thought calms me and I open my eyes again. This time I'm prepared for the blinding light. I look around and realize I'm in a hospital. The beeping sound that woke me is a heart monitor that is hooked up to the right of my bed. I look to the other side and see bags of IV's and various medical equipment. The room has a few chairs and all of them are unoccupied. Nobody else is in the room but I can hear distant voices floating in from the hall way.

I fumble around the edges of the bed, searching for a remote to find a call button. I find it and press it. A few seconds later a voice filters in from a speaker in the ceiling.

"Nurse's station. How can I help you?"

I try to speak but my voice comes out as a rasp, too weak to make any sense. I try again but sputter and cough.

"Ms. Prior?", the voice says, "We'll send someone in to help you."

Relief floods me. Wherever I am, they certainly seem friendly. I sink into the pillows and close my eyes. The light in the room makes my head throb. I hear rapid footsteps in the hallway and then the door to my room opening.

"Tris?" a familiar voices rings outs. My eyes fly open. Tobias stands at the foot of the bed. His hair is sticking out at all angles like he does when he is stressed. His eyes are red and have bags under them. He looks like he hasn't slept in days.

All at once, every emotion hits me. Relief that Tobias is standing in front of me. Pain from my still unknown injuries. Confusion and worry from my lack of memory over the last few days. A sob rips from my throat and I drop Tobias' gaze, embarrassed my inability to control my emotions. Tobias immediately moves from the foot of the bed to the side. I feel his hand slip into mine and squeeze gently.

"Tris, you're okay. Don't cry. You're going to be okay," he murmurs over and over. I can't decide if he is trying to convince me or himself. He reaches up and grabs my chin gently and turns my head towards him.

"I love you, Tris. I love you so much. You know that right? You have to know how much I love you." His eyes are bright with tears and his voice raw with emotion.

I nod, slowly with the pounding in head growing worse. I squeeze his hand briefly, then move my hand up to grip his shirt and gently pull his head down to mine. I kiss him with all the emotion I'm feeling. He is careful and cautious with me. I pull back gently and let my fingers trace over his face.

"I love you, Tobias," I croak out. I wince and close my eyes, sinking back into the bed as waves of pain flood through me. I can feel Tobias studying my face.

"Tris, how are you feeling? And don't you dare say fine!" He threatens lightly.

"Like I've been hit by train. Twice." I lick my lips. They're chapped and dry and mouth feels like it's full of cotton. "Tobias, what happened?" I hesitate and open my eyes to look at him. "I can't remember anything except bits and pieces over the last month."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: First, I hate authors notes so you will hopefully not see many. Second, this is the first story I have ever written and the first story I have ever published on FF, so I'm still on a learning curve. You'll notice my dialogue isn't the strongest and I tend to over use commas but I am hoping to improve as I go. Please hang in there with me. I promise I will try not to make it too painful. Third, I'm currently planning my wedding as I get married shortly and I have full time job, as well as studying for a certification for my job. Updates may be slow for the next month but I'm going to do my best. Positive feedback is always welcome. Thank you for your support!

Disclaimer: All rights to characters, names, etc. belong to Veronica Roth.

2-Tobias

"Tobias, what happened?" I hesitate and open my eyes to look at him. "I can't remember anything except bits and pieces over the last month."

My hands go still under hers. Her face is still wet with tears and it's scrunched up slightly in pain. Typical of Tris to put her needs aside. I'm torn between questioning her about what she remembers or pressing the call button for a nurse to get her the pain medicine I know she needs but doesn't want.

"Tris, maybe we should get a nurse so you can get something for the pain-"

"-no!" She says, panicked.

"Tris, you're in pain. You need it. It's okay. You don't have to be strong all the time. We all know you are tough as nails," I say, smiling slightly.

"You don't understand! I don't know where I am! I don't remember what happened! I woke up and you weren't and I thought..." Her voice breaks, "Tobias, I thought you were dead! I don't want to be drugged up and sedated and wake up thinking you are dead again! I can't."

Guilt floods over me. I shouldn't have left her side. I'd been up for days, sitting in the hospital waiting for news on Tris. I had sat by her bedside, never leaving until a nurse suggested I get out of the room for a little bit.

"Go grab some coffee. You won't be any help to her once she wakes up if you are dead in your feet." She smiled gently and I knew she was right. I was running on empty. I squeezed Tris' hand and slipped out of the room.

On my way back up, Tris must of woken up. I passed the nurses station and heard them say her name. I shot down the hall, tossing the coffee in a trash can along the way.

Guilt washes over me. "Tris, I swear I never meant to leave you. I should of been here for you. I'd just stepped out for a minute." I'm blubbering on, unable to stop myself even though I know I sound pathetic. I can't bring myself to meet her eyes. Vaguely, I realize how different I am from the person I was from a short time ago. From the time before Tris. Even as we grew closer, it was hard for me to show a softer side after so long of building up walls that I had constructed so carefully for so long. I was instructor Four to everyone who knew me. Intimidating, strong, and powerful. Then, Tris came along and tore down the walls I had surrounded myself with so fast that I didn't even have time to blink. It made me feel vulnerable, yet strong and powerful in a completely different way.

Now, that strong and powerfulness is nowhere to be found. Instead, I'm groveling at her bedside. I try to tell myself to pull it together, that Tris needs me to be her support. I gather myself and bring myself to look at her again. Before I can say anything else, Tris sighs. "Tobias, it's not your fault. I'm sorry, I guess I'm feeling emotional. And confused."

I study her for a minute. She's pale and thinner, if that's even possible. She has a bruise under one eye and she's so weak she can hardly sit up. I want her to go back to sleep, knowing she needs the rest. I know Tris though, and until she gets answers, she'll make sure she doesn't so much as blink an eye. I'm wary at the thought of hashing out the details of the last month on her all at once. Having to break it to her about her parents, Caleb, Uriah again...I'm not sure I have it in me to break her heart. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"What do you remember? I'll tell you everything you can't remember," I say.

She's staring up at the ceiling, focused on her thoughts. After a few seconds, she blinks a couple of times. "I remember initiation. All of it, I think." Her face scrunches up and she absently swipes her hand across her bangs, trying to sweep them from her eyes. She has IV's and a heart monitor hooked up to both hands becomes frustrated after a few unsuccessful attempts.

I reach up and brush her hair from her eyes. "Do you remember what happened to your parents?" I ask. I'm still haunted by the image of Tris throwing up at the site of her dead Father's body.

Tris nods slowly. "I remember. But Tobias, what happened to Caleb?"


	3. Chapter 3

3-Tris

Tobias has gone still. I'm not sure if he is breathing. I know he has a disdain for Caleb. Hell, so do I but my curiosity has gotten the best of me and now have to know what happened. I remember bits and piece of a conversation. Something about a serum?

His knuckles have gone white from his grip on the bed rail. "I'm going to go get you some water. I'll be right back." His voice is hard but softens a little, "Don't worry." He releases his grip on the railing and let's his fingertips trail down my arm and across the top of my hand as he walks away. I reach out and grab his hand, trying to pull him back. He pauses for a moment, refusing to turn back towards me. He lightly pulls out of my grasp.

"Tobias!" I try to call him back but my voice has gone hoarse and I can no longer get the words out with any force.

Moments later a nurse walks in. She shines a light in my eyes which makes me head throb. She checks the monitors and the IV's, mutters to herself and leaves room. She returns shortly after with a syringe. "Ok, honey, you'll be feeling better in no time." She says. Immediately, I begin to protest. "No! I'm fine. I don't need anything!" I protest. I'm not about to be drugged up before I know what happened to me. "Ms. Prior, you need to calm down, or we will give you a sedative. You've been hurt quite severely and need to rest!" Her tone is bordering on annoyance which pushes me past my breaking point.

"NO!" I scream. The nurse reaches for my IV, clearly having enough. I move too fast for her though, rolling onto my side and hiding my IV tube under me. Pain slices through me and I cry out. Suddenly, more nurses appear and try to wrestle me off my IV lines. I'm crying in pain at this point and my stomach feels like it's on fire.

"Get off her! What the hell are you doing?" Tobias arrived back to my room with a bottle of water in one hand and his phone in the other. He is wearing his instructor Four face and I can tell he is pissed. The nurses immediately let go of me at the sound of his voice. The one who threatened me with the sedative speaks first. "S-she was refusing pain medication!" she says, "we were trying to-"

"To what?! Scare her half to death? She just woke up in a hospital with no memory of how she got there. She's injured, scared and confused. And you think the best way to help her heal is by forcing her to do something she doesn't want to do?" He glowers at them, his gaze going from one nurse to the next. He slams the glass of water down on the table and it sloshes over the side. "She does needs pain medicine but forcing her to take it and injuring herself in the process isn't exactly following the 'do no harm' sentiment, is it?" He's made his way to my bed side where he moved the railing to the bed down and crouches down in front of me with his knees on the floor and his elbows on the bed next to me. Tears are pouring down my face, the pain too intense for me to hide it. I'm embarrassed by actions and it makes me feel even worse.

"Are you hurt, Tris?" He asks. He is still in Four mode, slightly too intense and wearing a steely look on his face. I begin to shake my head automatically but stop myself. "I don't know, everything hurts, Tobias." I'm trying to hold back sobs by now.

His hands cover mine and gently pry them away from stomach where I have them tightly clutched. He keeps one of my hands in his and the other reaches down to raise my hospital gown up, being careful to leave my bottom half covered with a blanket. I blush beet red, suddenly extremely self conscious. I glance up quickly and notice two of the four nurses have left the room. The remaining two are busy filling some out some sort of chart. If Tobias has noticed my shyness, he hasn't let on. He's still Four; focused and intent on his task which seems to be inspecting all my wounds. He sucks in a breath when he sees the bandages. They are soaked red. Blood, I realize. I must be bleeding. Tobias looks up at the nearest nurse. "Get the doctor," he barks. She jumps, startled, and scurries from the room. The last nurse follows, close on her heels.

Tobias stands up abruptly. "Who the hell do they think they are? Do they reall-"

"-Tobias, I-"

"-think they can put their hands-"

"Tobias!"

"On anyone? This is unaccept-"

"FOUR!" I yell, trying to get his attention. Tobias jerks around, spinning on his heel. His eyes are wild. "What?" He replies, voice gruff.

"Could you...could you hand me the water? My throat hurts." As I say it, I realize it's true. My throat feels like I swallowed white hot coals.

He turns and grabs the glass and a chair and pulls it towards my bed. "We need to get you back on your back or sitting up." He reaches for me but hesitates, not sure what to do.

I weigh my options. "Might as well help me up. It's going to hurt either way, right? I try to sound humorous but my voice falls flat. Tobias frowns slightly but helps me up. It's a searing and unforgiving pain. I draw in my breath and hold it. I grit my teeth to keep from crying out and Tobias stops. "No," I gasp, "it's ok. Just..just keep going."

He moves in one quick movement, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. He sinks down into the chair he set by my bed and scoots forward until his chest is inches from my legs. He sets one hand under my leg and one on my lower back, steading me.

"Let me know if you want to lay back down. I'm not sure you should even be up right now." He hands me the water but I have trouble gripping it. Tobias helps it to my lips. The water feels amazing against my raw throat.

I study Tobias over the rim of the cup. He still looks agitated. I don't have the courage to bring up Caleb again and I can tell he isn't ready to talk about it. I hand him the cup back and he sets it back on the table for me. I put my hands on his shoulders, partly to steady myself and partly because I miss the feel of him. I can feel his muscles relax under my touch. I decide to go with an easier question.

"Tobias," I say, giving his shoulders a light squeeze. He gazes up at me. I can tell from his eyes that he is still somewhere between Four and my Tobias. I decide to ask him anyway.

"Where the hell am I, anyway?"

**A/N: lots of unanswered questions, but they will all be revealed soon! **


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4-Tobias

Tris's hands rest on my shoulders with a loose grip. She's weak from laying in a hospital bed and from the pain she's in. Her face, however, has pure determination etched into it. I know she needs to know how she ended up here, but her bleeding is concerning me. She'd lost so much blood after her initial injury that they were worried she wasn't going to pull through.

"I'll tell you everything, just like I promised, but we need to get you looked at, too." I know this answer isn't good enough for her and hurry on in a rush. "You're at the infirmary in the Dauntless compound, Tris. You're home." I try not to choke up on the last part, but the uncertainty from the last few days of knowing if she was going to pull through combined with no sleep has taken a toll on me emotionally.

Suddenly, I'm overwhelmed with the need to be closer to her. I move carefully out of the plastic hospital chair, careful not to remove my hand that is resting on her back, supporting her. I sit next to her on the hard bed, slipping my arm around her shoulders being sure not to jostle her. She lets herself slump against me, head on my shoulder.

I breathe her in, letting her saturate my senses. Even in the hospital, which smells like bleach and antiseptic, she still smells like the Tris I know. Like flowers and a little bit of cinnamon. I let out a shaky breath.

"Tris, you were shot. That's how you got hurt. You also hit your head pretty good. And by the look of it, you are covered head to toe in bruises." I pause, giving her time to take it all in. She's gone still and ridged against me. "The gunshot wound caused a lot of damage. They had to go in and stop the bleeding. They said they had to replenish your blood twice." I swallow and continue, " your lung collapsed and they removed your spleen. It took them around 200 stitches to stitch you up."

Tris looks up at me, eyes wide. She opens her mouth a few times, trying to form words. "How many times do I really need to get shot? Wasn't once enough?" She quips.

I frown at her. Leave it to her to joke about her livelihood. All these times of her putting herself into danger. You'd think she would exercise a little caution once in awhile. Especially when it comes down to her life or Caleb's.

Caleb. Just his name makes my blood boil. After all he has done to Tris, he didn't even try to stop her? Didn't even attempt to protect her from certain death? I swear if I ever get my hands on him...

My thought are interrupted by the door to the room swinging open. Tris's doctor comes in in a flourish.

"Hello there, Tris! Great to see you are finally awake! My name is Dr. Harronfeld. But you can call me Dr. H." He winks at Tris as he snaps some gloves over his hands. I resist the urge to roll my eyes. I have never had much patience for exuberant people.

Tris's eyes dart over to me. She gently elbows me in the ribs. She moves slightly, whispering in my ear, "He kept me alive this long, hasn't he?"

This time I do roll my eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Doesn't mean I can punch him in the face, though," I mutter back.

The doctor approaches Tris and I slip off the bed, holding her left hand in mine and placing my other under her elbow, propping her up. A nurse walks and I recognize her as the one who suggested I grab a coffee but not as one involved with the earlier incident involving the pain medicine. She walks around to the opposite side of Tris and takes her other arm.

"Hi, Tris," she says gently, "My name is Brynn. I'm going to help Dr. Harronfeld fix you up and change your bandages. Then maybe we can get your vitals and get you some pain meds, if that's okay with you?" Tris smiles slightly and nods. I instantly decide Brynn will be the only nurse allowed near Tris. I'm still fuming just thinking about the other 4 trying to hold Tris down. Despite my thoughts, I smile a little.

"What's with you?" Tris asks. Dr. Harronfeld is swiftly unwrapping her bandages. Looking at her, you would think that she was carrying on a daily conversation. But I know better. I'm trained better. I can see the slight sheen of sweat that's coating her body. She's pale, almost as white as a ghost. She's biting down on her bottom lip slightly. She is in far more pain then she will ever admit out loud. I run my thumb over her fingers. "Just thinking about the fact that you have been shot, had a body part removed, a head injury, and you can't even sit up on your own, yet you managed to keep 4 nurses from giving you pain medicine," I chuckle. Shaking my head I say, "You are a force to be reckoned with, Tris Prior."

She grins at me. "You taught me well, Four." The doctor removes the last of the bandages from her abdomen and the blood drains from her face. "Sorry," says the doctor, "I know it's uncomfortable but we will get you peachy in no time!"

Did he really just use the word "peachy?" I shoot Tris an annoyed look and she lets out a noise between a snort and a sob. "Ready for those painkillers, Tris?" Brynn asks. I look over to her, grateful. Tris gives a slight nod, either unable or not trusting herself to speak. I lean in slightly and press a light kiss to her temple. I press two more into her hair moving my lips down to her ear. "If I could trade places with you, I would in a heartbeat. We'll get you out of here and feeling better in no time, Tris." She grasps my hand a little tighter and looks up at me. She blinks hard and I know she is willing herself not to cry. She's nearly successful, but one tear escapes from her eye. I squeeze her hand back.

"There you go, Tris." Brynn says as she puts a cap back on a syringe and disposes it in a biohazard container on the wall. "You'll feel better in a few minutes, I promise."

Dr. Harronfeld suddenly rolls back on the stool he has been sitting on while he examines Tris. "It looks like you managed to reopen your wounds a little a bit there, Tris. You should be okay if you take it easy for a few days. You can sit up with help, but don't try getting out of bed for at least three days. The bullet that you were hit with travelled through your abdomen and made a clean exit through your back, so you have stitches in both places, as well as a couple in your side from the chest tube. You can start eating and drinking, but take it easy. With your stomach injury and the medicine you are on, you might get an upset stomach. We've got you all cleaned up, though, so Brynn here will get your vitals and then we will be out of your hair. Any questions?"

Tris gives her head a slight shake and Dr. Harronfeld leaves his card on the table and says to call if we need anything. After cracking a terrible joke (something about an abnegation, dauntless, and erudite walking into a bar) he leaves the room.

Brynn is taking Tris's pulse and blood pressure. "Is he always that...chipper?" I ask her. Brynn smiles, "He is usually worse. He must of heard about the antics in here." She jokes, laughter in her eyes.

Tris goes slightly pink. "Sorry about that," she murmurs. "I feel all out of sorts." She is getting drowsy, hardly able to keep her eyes open. I move to support more of her and she sighs lightly.

"Do either of you know much about head injuries?" Brynn asks. We shake our heads. "I know that you need to wake a person up every so often if there has been a concussion. Do I need to do that for Tris?" I ask.

"No, I think she should be okay now that she is awake and her cognitive function is intact. Her memory loss is normal, but it's impossible to tell for sure if she will her all of it back or just small pieces. Head injuries also cause confusion, sensitivity to light, and the inability or reduced ability to control your emotions and, of course, severe headaches. Almost all of these will resolve over time, usually a few weeks or a month or two. Because Tris seems relatively okay, I would venture to guess she should recover full, maybe with some slight memory loss." Brynn concludes.

Tris becomes a little more alert. "So, you mean I won't always feel like I'm going to burst out in tears or fly into a fit of rage at any moment? Thank god!" She pauses, "Brynn, would you mind apologizing to the nurses for me? I didn't mean to cause so many problems."

"Oh Tris, between you and me? Those nurses are stuck up prudes who need to get there panties out of a bunch!" Brynn and Tris burst into a fit of giggles. "Ok, ok," Brynn says, composing herself. "Time to get you back into bed, Tris. I think you probably overdid it already." Tris doesn't argue and I help Brynn get Tris comfortable.

After Brynn leaves the room, I sit down in a plastic chair and study Tris. Her eyes are closed. Her dark hair is framing her pale face. I take in a breath and let it out slowly. I know there is a long road ahead of us, but we can make it. She is all I need. She is half of me. The chair I'm sitting in is anything but comfortable but I lean my head back on the cement wall behind me and drift off into sleep for the first time in nearly 6 days.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: apologizes for the repost. I noticed chapter 5 wasn't viewable so I'm taking it down and reposting. Hopefully it will correct the issue. I have no idea if any of you were able to see it originally. My apologizes to all of you! This chapter is somewhat of a filler before some familiar faces start showing up in the next chapter. Thanks for the support!

5-Tobias

I sleep soundly, only waking once when Brynn comes in to give me another dose of painkillers.

The second time I wake up, it's to Tobias, who is muttering and talking in his sleep. I can only make out certain words, "Uriah...No, I didn't mean for that to..." His head is against the wall and he is slumped in a plastic chair. He hardly looks comfortable and I feel a jolt of guilt, knowing he's staying because he didn't want me to wake up alone again. Tobias's dream continues and his voice grows louder, "get away from me! You are not my father! You will never be!"

I consider calling out to him to wake him but I don't want to draw any attention from the nurses. I make the decision to turn on the lights with the remote next to my bed, hoping it will wake him up.I fumble for the remote and squint in the faint light. I manage to hit the right button after a few clumsy attempts. As I hoped, Tobias immediately wakes up, flying straight up in his chair. His breathing is slightly ragged and his eyes dart around the room for a minute until they fall on me.

His eyebrows knit together with concern, "Are you okay?" He asks as he climbs to his feet.

"Are you?" I counter. He has started to approach me, but he pauses and gives me a quizzical look. "What?"

"You were dreaming Tobias. About Marcus."

He runs a hand through his hair and looks away. He makes his way across the room and leans a shoulder against the wall and peers out the window. He is quiet for a few minutes. "I tend to talk in my sleep when I'm exhausted. Sorry if I woke you. I'm not really used to having anyone around when I'm sleeping." He says finally. He turns to me, his face wary. I know I was the one that got a bullet to the stomach, but judging by the way he looks right now, I can't imagine he looks much better than I do. His clothes are wrinkled and his hair still disheveled. He seems slightly unsteady on his feet, his face is haggard, and the bags under his eyes seem to have gotten worse even with a few hours of sleep under his belt.

"You don't have to apologize to me, Tobias. Sorry for the rude wake up call though." I smile slightly. His face changes and he gets a mischievous look on his face, "Yeah, I can think of a few better ways that you could wake me up with," he grins. He comes closer, "How are you feeling?" He asks.

I shrug and do a mental inventory. The painkillers have been working great. I still have pain, but compared to the few hours earlier, I feel a little better. I've been staying as still as possible. "Better, I think." I reply. He puts a hand under my chin and gently tilts my head up to him. "Glad to hear it," he says. His lips meet mine, kissing me softly. I press back a little harder silently willing him to deepen the kiss. Injuries be damned, nothing will stop me from kissing my boyfriend properly. Tobias's hand tangles into my hair and I try to pull him down next to me. I'm still severely lacking strength and I'm not sure my actions convey my thoughts. Tobias understands want I want, though, and he moves slowly, never breaking our kiss as lays down beside me on the small bed. I slide my hand to his shoulder. I notice he has stubble on his face from not shaving for a few days. Surprisingly, I find it quite attractive. I trail my fingers over the edge of his jaw, feeling the roughness. Tobias pulls back from me, breaking our kiss. I let out a small sigh, disappointed it ended so soon.

Tobias lets out a low chuckle, "Sorry, I haven't been able to shave for a few days"

"I think it suits you." I say. He is lying on his side with his head resting against mine on my pillow. I turn my head towards him. "Tobias, you don't have to stay here, you know. I didn't mean to put that responsibility on you. I was scared before...this whole losing my memory thing makes me feel, I don't know, vulnerable, I guess." I feel stupid admitting it but there is just something strange about not being able to remember your past. Like a piece of yourself is missing.

"You didn't put anything on me, Tris. I want to be here. And you need me here, too, even if you are too stubborn to realize it." His tone is gentle but he gives me a pointed look.

"Tobias, I don't need you to watch-" I cut myself off, knowing I proved his point. Suddenly, I feel overwhelmed with frustration. All I want is a shower. And to brush my teeth. And to brush my hair. I want Tobias to be able to sleep in his own bed rather than sacrificing his own comfort for me. I've always been an independent person and relying on someone else-even if that person is Tobias- frustrates me. I let out an aggravated breath. Tobias lets go of me and leans back to get a better look at me. "How about I go back to my apartment and get changed and take care of some things and come back later." He says slowly. I can see that he's mad and maybe a little hurt, but I can't seem to bring myself to apologize to him.

He climbs out of the bed and makes his way to the door, "Call if you decide you need me." He says dryly and leaves without looking back.

His words feel like a slap to my face. I'm not sure if I want to yell or cry. I realize that I'm having difficulty controlling my emotions. My mind goes back to what Brynn said about head injuries and the inability to control emotions. The thought frustrates me further. I want to call Tobias and apologize. I know I should feel terrible for dismissing his efforts to help me. But my emotions are so messed up I know I wouldn't be able to make a sincere apologize to him and I don't want to make things worse.

The silence in the room creeps in on me and I know I have too much going on in my head to try to go back to sleep. It occurs to me that I have no idea what time it is. The room is fairly dark and I know that if it is late that Tobias likely won't return until the morning. I'm itching to get up and move around. I know that I can't though, due to the doctors orders to stay remain in bed for 3 days. I throw my head back on my pillow. After a few minutes of staring at the ceiling tiles, I decide to do something more productive.

I pull the rolling table that is next to my bed over to me. After poking through the stuff that has accumulated on it, I manage to find a slightly rumpled napkin and a pen. I smile a little, feeling triumphant. I focus on turning my frustration into determination.

I bite my lip and think back to last full memory I can remember. My mind flits over memories quickly: my mom and dad and their deaths, Caleb and the Erudite, and finally I recall going outside the fence and meeting Amar, Four's old instructor. I write a few of these down, trying to use them for a time frame reference. From there, things break into bits and pieces. I remember flashes of people. I can hear gunshots and smell gunpowder. My mind drifts back to a few hours ago when I asked Tobias about Caleb. I write his name down and follow it with a question mark. I know Caleb was with me, and I know it was recently. I can't shake the feeling that something happen to him. I'm not sure how I feel about the prospect that he could be dead. Part of me feels ill at the thought and the other part of me feels like it may be the way things were meant to be. I mull over a few other thoughts and write down more names. Christina, Lauren, Zeke, Uriah, Evelyn, Marcus. I follow all of them with question marks as well. Something flashes back in mind, and I remember Tobias's dream minutes earlier where he was saying Uriah's name.

Something tugs at my memory. The memory is right under the surface of my thoughts but I can't quite drag it to the surface. The feeling reminds me of when you run into someone you haven't seen in a while, and even though they are standing right in front of you, you just can't remember their name, despite the fact that you know you know it.

Suddenly, without warning, the memory explodes in my mind. The explosion, Tobias who was involved with it, and Uriah lying in a hospital room. I remember an upset Christina telling me that Uriah wasn't expected to make it. I fall back onto my pillows. I know in my heart that Uriah didn't make it. I didn't even get to say goodbye to him. Grief tugs at me. My thoughts are swirling through my mind. I cover my eyes with hands. My head is pounding ferociously and the bright florescent lights are unforgiving. Without warning, the light that's peeking through my fingertips dims. I hear a rustling coming from the corner of the room and open eyes. Sure enough, the lights have been dimmed.

Tobias is standing in the corner of the room, shrugging out of a jacket. He sets a bag in the chair same chair he'd previously occupied while he was sleeping. He has only been gone 20 or 30 minutes tops but he's changed his clothes and I can tell his hair is still slightly damp from a shower. I want to tell him that I'm sorry for dismissing him so easily earlier, but emotion from Uriah's death seems to be caught in my throat. "You came back," I say instead.

Tobias turns towards me. His face is stony. He is still made and I understand it. He sighs suddenly and leans against the wall.

"I always do, Tris."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I'm not sure I'm 100% satisfied with how this chapter came out. Also, I enabled anonymous reviews, which I had no idea was off. So, if you think this chapter sucks and you'd like to tell me anonymously, you can! Woohoo. Really though, thanks for reading, favoriting, following. I appreciate each one and they are very motivating. **

6-Tobias

After leaving Tris's hospital room after our disagreement, I sulk down the corridor of the hospital with the intention of heading to my apartment but as I pass the nurses station, Brynn calls me over.

"You're actually leaving the infirmary, Four?" She jokes. I look back at her wearily, not really wanting to rehash the details of my conversation with Tris. "She seems to need some time alone so I'm going to go to my apartment and take care of a few things. Call me if anything happens, ok?" I don't wait for a response and turn away from her but I feel her hand grab my arm and I turn back around.

"I've seen the way that girl looks at you and I can guarantee there is no way she doesn't want you around. Remember what I said about head injuries? About how it can make it difficult to control emotions?" I nod and Brynn continues, "Well, that's often because whatever emotion she is feeling-anger, happiness, confusion-feels ten times more powerful to her. Imagine your best memory," she says. Instantly, I think of Tris and I sitting in the chasm, kissing for the first time. "Now imagine your worst memory." she says. Memories automatically float to the surface of my mind before I can even think to suppress them. Every single one of them is flooded with Marcus. I shiver a little. "Now amplify those feelings that you felt in each one of those memories tenfold and you have what Tris is feeling." I nod slowly, still feeling a little bit like a kicked puppy after Tris so blatantly rejected my help. And even though I know it's petty, I feel a little bit like she rejected me, too.

Brynn must sense that I'm still upset because she says, "Four, whatever she was feeling at the time most likely wasn't meant to be directed at you. When she feels an emotion hitting her, it will be nearly impossible for her to rationalize her thoughts. She's a strong one, we all know that, but this is a mental challenge that will take her awhile to overcome. I'm not saying she won't hurt you or make you frustrated and mad or that you don't have a right to feel any of those things because you do, but I'm saying that it might not hurt to be quick to forgive her over the next few weeks, for both your sakes. You've both been through more in the past few months then most see in a lifetime. Don't let this be the one thing to bring you down."

I stand there absorbing her words, not really sure what to say. My mind seems bogged down with everything that's been going on. Stupidly, I think about how much better Brynn is at relationship advice compared to Zeke. I shake my head slightly and thank her, "Thanks, Brynn. I know she can't help it and I know I should look past it. I'm just acting childish." I look away from her, feeling slightly ashamed of myself.

"Don't feel bad. You have been through a lot in the last few days, so it's understandable to have some trouble coping with everything. Now, get on out of here for awhile and take care of whatever it is you need to do. You know I will look after her." She gives me a small shove and give her a small smile of appreciation and continue on my way out of the infirmary.

I walk through the narrow hallways, weaving my way back through the dorms and apartments. I can hear the roar of the chasm in the distance. My footsteps echo off the stone walls, just like Brynn's words are echoing through my thoughts. I think about how she said Tris's emotions are so much stronger for her now. It occurs me to that what Tris is going through is similar to going through a fear landscape. Just like Tris's magnified emotions, a fear landscape simply magnifies your fears and makes them that much more powerful: so powerful it's difficult to concentrate on anything else and even more difficult to think rationally. Only she can't manipulate her mind like she could the system.

I reach the door to my apartment and sigh as I dig for my key. When Tris told me that I didn't need to watch out for her, I was instantly mad. If I hadn't watched out for her, she would of fallen from the ferris wheel during capture the flag, could've fallen to her death when Peter attacked her, been discovered as a divergent during her fear landscape, and would have died at the hands of Jeanine Matthews. Then we finally agree to trust each other and to keep no secrets and I come back from the fractions to find her broken and bleeding from a gun shot wound. I wanted to yell these things at her in the hospital but I knew that I couldn't tell her how she was injured, not like that.

In my apartment, I look around briefly. It's not messy but slightly out of order. The bed isn't made, there is a few items of clothing on the floor, and some papers strewn across the dining room table. I take a few minutes and draw in some deep breaths and tell myself to calm down.

Slowly, my mind focuses on other details in my apartment, ones that would have never have been there just a short time ago. There is a bottle of moisturizer on the dresser, a pair of black flats laying by the bed. A pink coffee mug sitting on the table next to the papers. For some reason, these things-all Tris's things-left behind from the handful of days that she stayed with me, send a jolt through me that sets me into action.

Whether or not Tris's anger was actually directed at me no longer matters. I imagine my apartment void of her possessions and my stomach plummets. I know that there isn't anything Tris could say to make me leave her, unless she told me that was what she wanted-something I pray never happens. I grab some clothes from my dresser, not really caring to pay much attention to what I'm grabbing from the drawer.

I make my way into the bathroom and haphazardly toss my clothes onto the counter. As I step under the warm spray of the shower I decide that I'm going to prove to Tris that we can get through anything. We'll fight through this, because I won't stop fighting for us.

I shower and dress quickly. Not really bothering to dry my hair. I pick up my razor, then decide against shaving, Tris's words reverberating in my ears. "I think it suits you." she had said. I smile slightly.

I gather a few things into a duffle bag and toss it over my shoulder. I head back into the dauntless corridors and lock the door behind me. I begin weaving my way back through the halls. Back to the infirmary. Back to Tris.

When I finally reach her doorway, I stop and steel myself. I've clearly never been good at predicting Tris's reactions, but it's never really something I had to think about before. I find myself feeling apprehensive.

I step over the threshold and Tris has her hands pressed over her eyes. I'm not sure if she's crying, and the thought makes me feel terrible. Then it dawns on me that the lights are still on all the way, and I know they aggravate Tris's head injury. I turn them down to their lowest setting without turning them off. I pass through the room quickly and drop my bag into the chair and shrug off my jacket.

"You came back." I hear her say. Her voice is low but she doesn't seem mad. There's a slight edge to her voice, like she's nervous or anxious.

I turn towards her. Tris has lowered her hands down to the table that's in front her. Her hands are fiddling with a pen.

I think of all the times I've come back to her. Actually, it feels a little like I'm always running after her, I think bitterly. I can't quite keep what I'm feeling off my face and I know I look more fierce then I want to be. "I always do, Tris." I tell her.

Her eyes meet mine briefly then slide downward. She has guilt written all over her face. For a minute, a flash of satisfaction goes through me, and I realize I feel better knowing that she knows her past decisions have had repercussions on me as well as her. Immediately, I push the thought down, feeling bad for even thinking something so awful.

I study Tris for a little bit as I lean against the wall. She looks a little better then she had earlier in the day. Her face has a tad more color to them and her eyes have had a little more of that spark that she seems to carry around with her. I can see her tattoo, the one of the ravens that represent each one of her family members: her mother, her father...and Caleb. My heart sinks a little for her and all that she's lost. I promised her that I was her family, and I want desperately to prove that to her.

Slowly, cautiously, I move to the side of her bed. I'm still unsure of how she is going to react to my presence, but I think of how good it felt when I was laying next to her, not even an hour ago. We haven't had a lot of opportunity to have moments like that. Mostly, we spent time on cots the last few weeks, besides the last night we spent together before she was shot at the Bureau. I think back to us on the couch and I am filled both with indescribable happiness and a sick feeling in my stomach. Had I know that she would be shot and nearly die soon after, I would've told her so much more in that moment.

I swallow hard and sit next to her on the bed. She's been absentminded shredding a paper in her hands, lost in thought. I gently pull it from her grasp. "What has you so preoccu-" I fall short as I read what she's written on it. It's clearly a timeline of events, a large part still missing, and at the bottom she has several names followed by question marks.

My heart seizes when I see Uriah's name. I can't think of what to say to Tris, or how to start a conversation about it, but I know I can no longer avoid telling her about her missing memories. I'm not sure who I've been trying to protect most: her or me.

Tris's small hands reach out and take the napkin from mine, dropping it on the table in front of us. "Tobias, I'm so sorry." Her voice wavers slightly.

My back is still to her, my legs planted on the floor. I close my eyes briefly and realize I have no energy left in me to even have an ounce of anger towards her. I swing my legs up and into the bed in one quick motion, rolling onto my side so I can face her. I put one arm under her shoulders and one under her knees and pull her to me. It concerns me how light she is, even though she barely hit 120 pounds before she was in the hospital. I push the thought aside for now, and bury my face into her hair.

"To be honest, I think we might have several moments like that in near future," I tell her. My hands are shaking a little. I've never been good at expressing what I'm feeling, but then again, I've never really had anyone I wanted to share them with. I force myself to continue."But, even when you are feeling overwhelmed, or mad, or frustrated, I'm still going to love you." I feel her melt into me a little and I grip her tighter, trying to be careful. "I need you to talk to me though, because I can't help you or help us, if you don't tell me what is going through your mind.

Tris has moved in so close to me that her head is tucked under my chin. I can feel every inch of her body pressed against mine. I slip down a little on the bed so we are face to face. "We can do this." I tell her.

She's hardly spoken since I've gotten back to her room. She's probably exhausted from the emotional roller coaster she's experienced, her injuries, and the painkillers she's been on. Her eyes are focused on me, though. Bright and alert. I bring a hand up, fingers brushing hair out of her face, "you should get some rest-" I was about to tell her she should get some rest, that she would feel better after she gets some sleep, but her lips cut me off. She's kissing me with an urgency, and it sends a rush through me. I press my lips into hers, matching her intensity. I feel her shift against me, turning on her side. She lets out a slightly groan, and I pull back immediately. Her eyes fly open.

"Tobias, I want you here, and I'm okay with you helping me even if it's hard for me to accept sometimes," she says, "But if watching out for me means you won't let me kiss you, we might have an issue." she smirks.

I look back at her, shocked. Tris isn't normally very forward with me and her words completely throw me off. I burst out in laughter. "Tris! Trust me, I will never stop you from kissing me. But I don't want you to hurt yourself in the process!" I say. I can't keep the amusement off my face.

Tris's face falls in confusion. "But I'm fine, it feels better on my side. My back has been hurting from laying on my stitches when I fell asleep." Suddenly, a look of understanding falls on her face and she blushes deep red. I look at her confused and then it dawns on me. She wasn't hurt...the opposite actually. The noise she made was from pleasure not pain. This time it's my turn to blush. How could I have missed that?

I bring a hand up to my face, wanting to hide my embarrassment from her. "God, Tris, I'm sorry."

When she doesn't reply, my embarrassment starts to turn to mortification. But then I feel her hands pull mine away from my face. Her face is still splotchy with color. My eyes meet hers and my heart skips a couple of beats. Her eyes are full of longing and that's all it takes for me to take her head in my hands and kiss her.

I follow her lead, careful not to let my hands roam, even though I'm desperate to feel her her skin against my palms again, just like the last night we spent together on the couch in the Bureau. Suddenly, her fingers find their way under my shirt, fingertips lightly brushing along my stomach. Her name slips from my lips, barely audible. She sighs against my lips in response.

"Hey, guys..OH, GOD GET A ROOM!" Tris and I fly apart. She falls back on her back and flinches.

"Ow, dammit." She mutters. I want to help her but I'm too distracted, stunned to find Zeke standing in the door way. "Zeke?" I say.

Tris's eyes fly open at the sound of his name. "If I wasn't laying in this bed and on strict orders not to get out of it, I would kick your ass, Zeke. Ever learn to knock?" her voice is serious but she's grinning.

Zeke takes it as his welcome and strides into room, falling into one of the chairs. "It's a hospital," he shrugs, "people walk around in gowns that show their butts to the entire world, so I don't think knocking has ever been a requirement." He says, laughter in his eyes. "Besides, when did you become a rule follower?"

Tris narrows her eyes then turns to me. I shrug a little. "The man kind of has a point." I say, earning a punch from Tris. I chuckle and gently pull myself up off the bed, being mindful of her IV tubes.

I watch Zeke. My heart is pounding and my hands tremble slightly. Last time I had seen him, I had brought him and his mother to say good bye to Uriah as the doctors pulled him off life support. "I didn't expect to see you back for awhile, Zeke." I say lamely.

"Christina came to see me," he says, hesitating. This surprises me a little. "About Tris?" This seems logical. Christina and Tris are good friends, and she has probably been worried about her.

Zeke look as me for a little bit. "No," he replies, "about you, Four." Me? It doesn't make any sense.

"She was worried about you. She said that with Tris and...and Uriah...that you weren't doing very good." Zeke hasn't met my gaze yet. He swallows hard then says, "I would've been here sooner but...the funeral for Uri... and I needed to make sure Shauna would be okay for a few days." He says.

I'm about to tell him that he shouldn't be concerned with me. That I don't deserve that from him. But before I can, a sob erupts from Tris, and for a minute, I'm confused. Then it hits me. She didn't know about Uriah's death. She was shot before they took him off of life support and most likely she doesn't remember that he was ever injured.

"Shit, Tris. I didn't even think. I'm sorry you had to find out that way." She's sitting up with her hands covering her face. She's crying uncontrollably now. I've never seen her this upset before. It occurs to me that she never got a chance to fully absorb her parents death. When they died, she was surrounded by chaos. She never even had the chance to have a funeral for them. I reach out and grab her, at a loss at what to do. Tris sobs into my chest and I can feel the dampness from her tears soaking into my shirt.

I look at Zeke, feeling helpless, but he is staring at us with a bewildered look on his face. "She didn't know?" He croaks out. His face is ashen. I shake my head at him. "It's not your fault, you didn't know she didn't know about it." I say.

Tris pushes herself from my arms, keeping her hands on my chest for balance. She's exhausted her strength and is struggling to support herself. "No," she says shaking her head. Tears are still slowly steadily down her face. "No, I knew. Well, kind of." She's trying to choke back her sobs, but she's struggling. "I was writing down what I could remember before you came in, Tobias. When I got to Uriah, I remembered what happened, but I...I wasn't sure if he made it."

I sink down into the chair next to the bed, unable to withstand the emotional weight that bears down on my shoulders. I put one elbow on the bed, propping my head under my chin. With my free hand, I gently rub circles in Tris's leg, a lame attempt to try to comfort her. She has one hand on my shoulder now, still using me as a support.

"Sorry," Tris chokes out, "sorry I'm such a mess. I knew but I'm upset I didn't get to say goodbye."

My heart sinks and my fury for Caleb reignites. Had he done what he was supposed to, Tris wouldn't be here and she wouldn't have been robbed at the chance to say goodbye to a friend.

To my surprise, Zeke speaks up before I can say anything. "He died two days after you were shot. My mom and I and Christina were all with him. He went quickly and peacefully, Tris. Don't hate yourself for not being there. Uri would want people to remember him in a better way." Tris nods as Zeke turns his gaze to me. "Four, can I speak to you in the hall?" I hesitate and look at Tris. She's currently hiccuping slightly and wiping her tears off her face with the front of her hospital gown. She senses my hesitation. "Go, I'll be fine. I promise."

I tell Zeke that I'll meet him in the hall in a few minutes and then help Tris get comfortable, readjusting pillows around her to disperse her weight off the stitches in her back. She's nearly asleep before I'm even done. Finally, I press the call button and ask for her painkillers before slipping out the door to talk to Zeke.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I've mentioned this before, but I get married in just over a month and things are starting to get hectic. Updates may come farther in between for a little while, but I promise not to abandon Tris and Tobis! If you would like to follow so you get updates so you don't miss an update, please feel free. As always, thanks for reading! **

7-Tris

I wake up with start. I'd been dreaming about being a child back in Abnegation with my parents. Caleb and I had gotten into a fight and he had stabbed me in the chest with a knife. The dream stirs different emotions up in me: anger at Caleb and a dreadful longing for my parents. I take a few deep breaths and let my eyes adjust to the dim light in the room.

My gaze falls on the window and dawn is just beginning. The sky is lit up with different shades of yellow, orange and red. Suddenly, I realize I've missed sunrises and sunsets. In the Dauntless compound, there aren't many windows which is a change from the Abnegation. I have many memories of sitting in front of my parent's living room window, watching the sun sink below the horizon.

I watch the sun make its way up over the horizon for a few minutes before looking away, blinking hard to readjust my eyes. I'll have a headache from staring at the bright light, but it's worth it. My eyes shift towards the foot of the bed and I jump, startled by a person sitting in a chair at the foot of the bed. Tobias. I can tell by his posture that he isn't sleeping. He is sitting too straight. He's looking out the window, seemingly lost in thought. Either he hasn't noticed I'm awake or he just hasn't acknowledged me yet.

His face is lit by the brilliant sunlight coming through the window. His expression looks like he is concentrating but his eyebrows are knit together slightly and the corners of his mouth are pulled down like he's worried or troubled. I wonder what he and Zeke talked about. I wanted desperately to hear their conversation, but I was exhausted and fell asleep before Tobias even left the room.

Zeke obviously values Tobias as a friend, though, even after the death of his brother. He showed up to support Tobias after all that had happened. I think of Will for a moment. Guilt still makes my heart ache. It aches for Will and it aches for Christina. What if she was beginning to have the same relationship with Will as Tobias and I? And I took that away from her. My eyes sting and I blink rapidly. I don't want to be an emotional mess today, not when it's very likely that Tobias will need me to hold him together depending on how his talk with Zeke went.

My gaze stays on him, wondering if he is stuck in the same thoughts that I have about Will. His face seems to grow more contrite as the seconds pass.

"Tobias," I call him gently, "what's wrong?" He jumps a little, startled by the sound of my voice. He shifts in the chair and looks at me for a few seconds. I'm waiting for him to deflect my question and turn the attention back to me as he usually does, uncomfortable about talking about his feelings. He's spent so long hiding his emotions-no doubt due to the years of abuse by Marcus-that he still struggles with being open sometimes.

"That seems to be the problem, Tris. There seems to be more things that are wrong then right, lately." he replies. His words don't sound mad; instead, they come out more like he is stating a fact. I can't help but wonder if he is talking about me or our relationship together, but before I can ask, he is on his feet and plants himself at the end of the bed.

"Zeke came by last night to talk to me. About Uriah. But also about what has been going on since we left the Bureau. We need to talk about some things, Tris. I think we'd better start going over everything that you can't remember and go from there." He seems to have braced himself for this moment. He is standing perfectly straight with his face void of any specific emotion. I would call him Four, but he has a gentler look in his eyes. I'm a little taken back by his abruptness; I've wanted to ask Tobias about my missing memories, but ever since his reaction when I asked him about Caleb and now combined with _my _reaction to the confirmation of Uriah's death last night, I hadn't planned on bringing it up for a while. I know that I should take advantage of this moment, but instead I blurt out, "Why now? I know that you promised me you would tell me, but you haven't seemed…" I struggle for the right word, "…willing to talk about it. Well, at least Caleb." I amend.

I'm expecting Tobias to have the same reaction as the day I regained consciousness. To my surprise, he doesn't bat an eyelid. "With all the changes surrounding the factions, we need to make some decisions, Tris. And I want to make them together." His face softens a little as he says it. I smile and gesture to the space next to me on the bed. "I'm ready to listen when you're ready to tell me." I say simply.

Tobias moves up next to me and we lay facing each other on the bed. He begins telling me everything starting from when he left the Bureau to head back to the factions, also known as Chicago, to talk to Evelyn and to find Zeke and his family. He tells me about how Evelyn chose to help end the war and how they had went to talk to Johanna and Marcus. He tells me in awe how Evelyn chose to help him without taking the memory serum and how he gave it to Peter instead.

Anger flares up in me when he tells me about Peter and I try to push it back down. Tobias pulls back from me slightly and studies my face. His hands had been idling playing with the ends of my hair that had fallen over my shoulder. "You're mad," he says. It's a statement, not a question. I nod my head, not meeting his eyes. It's a silly thing to do, because I know he is going to ask me why, when I really just want him to continue telling me what I'm missing.

Tobias doesn't disappoint. He nudges me gently, "Why?" He asks. His fingers are tracing my collarbone, right over the three ravens. His light touch gives me goose bumps. I shake my head slightly, "It's such a stupid reason, Tobias. I'm mad that Peter gets to start over and forget everything terrible that he's ever done. Things like what he did to me! And I have to live every day of my life remembering and reliving that moment or seeing it in my dreams! He should have to feel guilt about everything he has done and he should have to live with that every day of his life, too!" Anger is stewing inside me now, and I feel like I could scream. I know Tobias is thinking what I know in the back of my head: even though he tried to kill me once, he had saved my life, too. I rub my hands over my face, trying to shake off the thoughts of Peter.

When I lower them, Tobias is looking at me wearily, like I'm mad at him too. It occurs to me than that he probably thinks I'm mad that he gave the serum to Peter. "I'm not mad at you." I say, placing my hand on his arm. My words come out rough and I wince a little at the sound, but I'm consumed by the anger that is still lingering in me. "I know it irrational; probably just this stupid head injury." I say, trying to dismiss my uncontrolled emotions.

"I think you may be more mad then you would be if I had told you this if you didn't have a head injury," says Tobias. He is speaking slow and cautiously as if he's afraid of my reactions to his words, "but, you have every right to hate him. You have a right to be mad. I know I still do."

"Then why did you let him take it? Why not let him live with a little remorse?" I'm careful to leave as much anger out of my voice as I can manage. I'm not mad at Tobias, but genuinely curious. Tobias is generally not reckless. He is meticulous, methodical, and rational. I've only known him to make rash decisions in anger, usually ending with a fight so I know the decision to give Peter the memory serum wasn't done on a whim.

"I guess I figured if taking the memory serum made him into less of a pathetic excuse for a human being, then why not? Also, I never felt comfortable having him around you. And if he could forget that you ever even existed, then I don't have to worry about you walking through the halls at night by yourself." He answers.

I mull it over. There isn't any guarantee that Peter wouldn't continue to be an asshole to people. He could even attack someone else, but if it means I don't have to look over my shoulder every time I turn my back then it is an improvement.

"I guess I would rather deal with Peter in my dreams then in person." I sigh. Like it or not, Peter will always be a part of my life.

"And I would much rather fight off your bad dreams then Peter, again." Tobias says to me as he leans in and plants a light kiss on my forehead.

I smile back at him. "So after you talked to Johanna and Marcus, you came back to Bureau?" I'm eager to fill in some of my biggest gaps in my memory. Tobias, unsurprisingly, doesn't share my eagerness. He looks back at me, dread written all over his face. I reach out and touch his face, trying to encourage him. "I'm right here, Tobias. I'm fine. Just remember that."

At that, Tobias jerks away from me. "I would hardly call a gunshot wound and a head injury fine, Tris. You don't understand how I felt when I walked into the Bureau and was told you were shot. That you were dying! You don't understand how it feels to know that you deliberately held a gun against Caleb's head and literally walked to your death! You will never know how that feels!" He seethes.

I shrink back from him. Emotions are flooding through me. "Tobias, I-I d-don't-" I stutter through words as I try to tell him I don't know what he is talking about, but right as I do, it clicks together in my head. The gunpowder I smelled, the hallway, Caleb. Caleb, who was supposed to die. Me holding a gun to Caleb's head, David shooting me, and seeing my mother.

"I remember." I croak out. Tobias looks at me with an incredulous look, pulls me hard against him, and we are both sob into each other's arms.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: This was hard to write for some reason and I am not sure I am satisfied with the outcome. Sorry if it doesn't live up to your expectations! The next chapter that I'm writing will have Zeke and Tobias's conversation and….Christina comes back! I wasn't going to tell you guys that but consider it my gift to you for waiting patiently for new chapters. Happy reading!**

8-Tobias

All the anger that I've been silently harboring up since Tris got shot floods out of me so suddenly that I don't even have time to think about what I'm saying. "I would hardly call a gunshot wound and a head injury fine, Tris. You don't understand how I felt when I walked into the Bureau and was told you were shot. That you were dying! You don't understand how it feels to know that you deliberately held a gun against Caleb's head and literally walked to your death! You will never know how that feels!" My hands tremble as the words come out.

Tris stutters, trying to form a sentence, caught off guard by my rant. She starts to tell me what I already know: she doesn't know what I'm talking about because she doesn't remember what happened at the Bureau. For some reason, this lights another flame of anger in me. Had she not been reckless, she wouldn't have a head injury that made her forget in the first place. But before I can bring it up, her facial expression changes. She gets a look on her face that I've never seen before.

"I remember." Tris croaks out.

Wait? She remembers? How is that possible? The doctor had said it could take a month or longer for her memories to come back. I can't think of what to say. I'm too shocked to form a coherent sentence. The look on Tris's face dissipates my anger instantly. Her eyes are filled with tears and her face is wearing a look of desperation. I reach out and pull her to me tightly as we both break out into tears.

I'm embarrassed to be showing this side of myself. It's something that I haven't done since I was a child living with Marcus. By the time I turned 9, I made a pact with myself, swearing I would never let Marcus see me cry again. Not a single person has seen me shed a tear since. I cling to Tris. Her hair is wet my tears and sticks slightly to my face. She's sobbing into my shirt that's now damp with her tears. I breathe her in and try to calm myself. Eventually, I lift my head from hers and wipe the tears from my face. Gently, I pull Tris away from me.

"I feel like I failed you, Tris." I say. She still has tears streaming down her face. Her hair is a mess. Her eyes are red and puffy. She's trying hard to stop crying and is hiccupping slightly from the effort. Her hands are in fists at my chest and my t-shirt is balled up in her hands. She shakes her head in disagreement. "No, you could never fail me, Tobias. I failed you the minute I held that gun to Caleb's head."

I move my hands up under her chin and wipe her tears from her cheeks with my thumbs. "Someday, I will make you realize that you are beautiful, kind, generous, and perfect. I don't think you've accepted it no matter how many times I tell you. If you had, you wouldn't have been throwing yourself at death's door again. You would know that your life is worth living. That your life means _everything_ to me, now." Tris doesn't respond, but pulls herself to me putting her head back on my chest. I bring a hand up to the back of her head and hold her there. "Promise me, baby. Promise me that you won't do anything like that again. I can't see you like that again, broken and bleeding, on edge of the death." A shiver rips through my body at memory.

I can feel her tremble beneath me. She lets out a shaky breath. "I won't. Tobias, you have to believe me when I tell you that I never held the gun to Caleb's head and thought I was walking to my death. I knew that the odds were good that I could survive the death serum. And when Caleb and I were making our way through the building to reach the memory serum, I realized that Caleb wasn't doing it because he cared for me. He was doing it because he regretted everything he'd done. Tobias, I couldn't let him walk to his death because he was _guilty_. I couldn't deal with having to live with his death on my conscious for the rest of my life." Her words come out muffled against my chest.

I let Tris's words sink in. This is the first time I heard her side to anything that had happened at the Bureau. It's not something I had expected to have the chance to hear since it was unknown if her memory would come back. I think about what Tris had told me about Caleb's regret. Had Caleb went into the weapons lab, he would have died without a doubt. There's no telling what that would have done to Tris, having already lost so many people in such a short time. It was stupid of me to ever leave her at the Bureau and expect her to let it happen. I'm still furious for at Caleb for being such a coward and I'm still upset that Tris was so reckless with her life but I know that I need to let it go. The past is the past and there is nothing I can do to prevent Tris from getting shot, as it already happened. I let out a deep breath I hadn't realized I had been holding. I bend down and kiss the top of her head.

"Tris, you always say you left Abnegation because you weren't selfless enough to be in their faction, but you are the most selfless person I know. Taking Caleb's place because he only agreed to do it out of guilt rather than love is one of the most selfless thing you could ever do. The stupidest, too, but one of the most self-sacrificing things you could have done." I say. She could have easily fit into Abnegation, whether she believed it or not. I send a silent prayer up, thanking God that Tris chose Dauntless.

Unsurprisingly, Tris doesn't agree with me. "I was only thinking of myself, Tobias. I didn't want to live with the guilt of another death on my conscious. Especially the death of my brother. I didn't even stop to consider the consequences…that I could die or be injured. I never even thought about what I would be doing to you if either of those things happened. That's not altruistic. It's selfish." She's got a look on her face that tells me I won't win this argument and I decide not to try. "Let's agree to disagree on this, ok? I'll try to let it go if you try not to die anytime soon." I say, playfully nudging her.

"Deal." Tris says as she releases her hold on my shirt which is now damp and wrinkled. She runs her hand over my chest, trying to smooth out the wrinkles. I catch her hand and mine. "Don't worry about it, it's just a shirt." I look at her for a minute. She seems a little more relaxed and a little tired. I'm not sure if I should push my luck, but curiosity about her memory is killing me.

"Tris, do you really remember everything?" I ask her, unable to keep the curiosity out of my voice. Her brow furrows a little as she concentrates. "I think so. But I can't remember anything after the death serum activated. I guess that's when I hit my head?"

I think back over the details. Over the days that Tris was unconscious, I got bits and pieces of what had happened from various people, but since I wasn't there, there isn't any way to fully separate rumor from fact. "I'm honestly not 100% sure. What I was told is that you managed through the death serum with very little affect, but that you were shot by David. You activated the memory serum during that time, but if I had to guess, you probably passed out and hit your head on the way down."

"Well, I never have been a graceful person, have I?" she jokes, laughing halfheartedly. I smile a little. She may not be steady on her feet all the time, but she definitely has a graceful way of carrying herself. She always captivated me when she would walk into the pit during training.

Suddenly, Tris's eyes go wide. "Wait! Tobias, did the memory serum work? Did I activate it? What's been happening with the factions and Bureau?" she asks, the questions flying out before I can answer.

"You did it, Tris" I grin at her, thankful that something good came out the whole situation. "You activated the memory serum, and the Bureau no longer exists. Right now, there is a debate going on about whether or not to continue the factions or if they should be disbanded altogether."


End file.
